Grey heron vs. Rabbit

Grey heron eats entire rabbit alive

Dude, nature is cruel. Nature doesn't give a shit about your 'aesthetic values' or 'spirituality' or any of that other crap you figured out after watching An Inconvenient Truth. It's going to go ahead and let big ugly things eat cute little things, because nature is a compete bastard.



holy shit



what



somebody lolcat that last one

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How to Field Dress a Moose

There's been a lot of talk about Sarah Palin's ability to "field dress" a moose, and how this somehow qualifies her to take all my money. I, along with everyone else who has never shot anything out of a helicopter, have no idea what this means. To google!



oh.

um.

eugh.

Instead of putting the moose in an elegant gown and sending it off to a moosey ballroom, field dressing is actually slicing it open and removing all the internal organs with a knife and your bare hands. Take a look at the steps listed here:

Clear Your Working Area
Bleed The Animal
Preparatory Skin Cuts, Throat to Anus
Break the Breastbone
Sever the Wind Pipe and Gullet from the Head
Open the Abdomen to the Anus
Split the Pelvic Bone
Cut the Diaphragm from the Cavity Wall
Free the Anus and Bladder
Roll Out The Abdominal Organs with Anus Attached
Remove the Neck and Chest Cavity Organs
Clean the Body Cavity
Prepare the Carcass for Cooling or Quartering

I don't even know what to say about this other than the word anus is on this page sixteen times. I'm pretty sure there's nothing about anuses in any study of American values, and I'm now a little afraid of the people who identify with Sarah Palin more because she knows how to split the pelvic bone of a dead moose.

I bet she's not even very good at it.

p.s. holy shit even the New Hampshire government's website tells you how to kill a moose how does everybody but me know this stuff

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Tom Selleck vs. Macaw

This is a clip of Tom Selleck, as Magnum, P.I., being attacked by an irate macaw. That's all it is.



Or is it? The depth of emotion carried in the elderly woman's shouts of Merlin!, T.C's remorseless, stone-hearted reaction to the helpless bird's murder, the dash of international intrigue and suspense of a handgun standoff... truly, this clip has the potential to become a television classic, revered for generations.

Though the complexity of this episode must raise many questions in the viewer's mind, perhaps the most baffling is what the hell is that noise you are making, higgins

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Monkeys in film

List of films with monkeys in them is a deleted Wikipedia page. The list, in its entirety, reads

King Kong- was a gorilla but monkey family
Dunsten checks in- Orangatan part of monkey family
King Kong vs Godzilla- fictional mechanical gorilla

Incomplete and clearly written by someone with a poor understanding of simian taxonomy (orangutans are great apes, you imbecile!), but a valuable resource nonetheless. Jimmy Wales, I suggest you re-evaluate your criteria for "unmanageable listcruft" - you're letting hundreds of gems slip through your fingers!

From Deletionpedia, which is full of this kind of hilarity.

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Pig holds woman hostage

Large pushy pig traps Australian

A woman on the north coast of New South Wales in Australia is being held hostage in her own home by a large pig, Australian media report.
Uki woman Caroline Hayes, 63, says the pig is as big as "a Shetland pony" and that she cannot get out of her house because of its aggressive behaviour.

Ha ha, Australians. I wonder what it's like to live on a continent where all the animals are trying to kill you, all the time. At least they took care of this one:

Rangers say the pig will be captured and taken to a piggery.

In case you didn't know, a piggery is a horrible concentration camp for our porcine kin in which they spend their entire lives locked up in filthy, inadequate cells. Then they cut their throats and drain their blood, so you can eat pork chops in front of Project Runway and feel bad about your weight.

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Mating Pigs vs. Japanese Newscaster

Mating pigs interrupt Japanese newscaster



きゃ～！

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The mongolian death worm

In Search of the Mongolian Death Worm

Trudging gingerly across the arid sands of the Gobi desert, Czech explorer Ivan Mackerle is careful not to put a foot wrong, for he knows it may be his last. He scours the land and shifting valleys for tell-tale signs of disturbance in the sands below, always ready for the unexpected lurch of an alien being said to kill in one strike with a sharp spout of acidic venom to the face. A creature so secretive that no photographic evidence yet exists, but the locals know it’s there, always waiting in silence for its prey, waiting to strike – the Mongolian Death Worm.

I've become a lot more skeptical of cryptozoology lately, and given the fact that it doesn't seem like anyone has ever reported actually seeing a death worm there isn't much reason to believe this one. The article is even weirdly contradictory:

although they spoke to a number of Mongolians in the area, all of whom regaled wondrous stories of the worm, no one could verify they had seen the creature first-hand. Even still, after four weeks the team had gathered enough verbal evidence to be convinced that the worm really does exist. Lead researcher, Richard Freeman, said: “Every eyewitness account and story we have heard describes exactly the same thing

Right. Even so, I think there's merit in searching for these things if only because a discovery might lead to conservation. There are undoubtedly a lot of totally bizarre creatures we killed off without ever even finding them, and the Gobi is a very big, very desolate and very sparsely populated area. Also, it's in China, and if you've ever been there you know what that means (it means there is all sorts of weird stuff in China).

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BEAGLE ESCAPE

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Inhumane animal traps

Animal Trap Quiz Answers

This is probably the most interesting piece of internet I've seen since that list of goofy mugshots. A database of diabolical animal traps with detailed pictures? Actual photos, not just patent diagrams. It's like a birthday present from your aunt you haven't seen since you were six!

I could never pick a favorite (it'd be kind of like when someone asks you what your favorite band is, and you can't pick so you say something stupid like "Jamiroquai" even though you only know like eight of their songs), but I thought this "man trap" was particularly interesting:

"This invention relates to jaw traps and, among other objects, aims to provide a jaw trap which may be used to capture chicken thieves, being so constructed that the more the victim struggles the closer together the jaws move. A further object is to provide a jaw trap having a jaw locking mechanism which prevents the jaws from being pried apart by the victim, the mechanism itself being so guarded that the victim cannot release himself. A further object is to provide a jaw trap for the purpose stated which is so constructed that the victim is not injured in any way."

But the best thing on the page is this piece of insane ephemera:



Do you remember a time when people used to go out and shoot gophers? I sure goddamned don't. I don't even know anyone who would shoot a gopher. It's fun to laugh at the past.

What is it? is the main blog, and while I'm not sure why he makes a new blogspot account every time he posts answers, it's still pretty cool.

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Warthog vs. Lion

Despite what the Lion King may have taught you, Warthogs are nasty creatures (they're more like Bebop than Pumbaa).

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