Thursday, October 2, 2008

How to Field Dress a Moose

There's been a lot of talk about Sarah Palin's ability to "field dress" a moose, and how this somehow qualifies her to take all my money. I, along with everyone else who has never shot anything out of a helicopter, have no idea what this means. To google!




Instead of putting the moose in an elegant gown and sending it off to a moosey ballroom, field dressing is actually slicing it open and removing all the internal organs with a knife and your bare hands. Take a look at the steps listed here:

Clear Your Working Area
Bleed The Animal
Preparatory Skin Cuts, Throat to Anus
Break the Breastbone
Sever the Wind Pipe and Gullet from the Head
Open the Abdomen to the Anus
Split the Pelvic Bone
Cut the Diaphragm from the Cavity Wall
Free the Anus and Bladder
Roll Out The Abdominal Organs with Anus Attached
Remove the Neck and Chest Cavity Organs
Clean the Body Cavity
Prepare the Carcass for Cooling or Quartering
I don't even know what to say about this other than the word anus is on this page sixteen times. I'm pretty sure there's nothing about anuses in any study of American values, and I'm now a little afraid of the people who identify with Sarah Palin more because she knows how to split the pelvic bone of a dead moose.

I bet she's not even very good at it.

p.s. holy shit even the New Hampshire government's website tells you how to kill a moose how does everybody but me know this stuff

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