Protective Chicken Glasses

It's widely known amongst agrarian types that chickens are the bullies of the barnyard. I'm not well versed enough in chicken-aggression to tell you exactly how often they end up fighting, but given that watching them is a sport unto itself I'd say often enough.

Anyway, what the hell am I talking about. This guy patented some chicken goggles.

Be it known that I, Andrew Jackson, Jr., a citizen of the United States, residing at Munich, in the county of Jackson, State of Tennessee, have invented certain new and useful Improvements in Eye-Protectors for Chickens
[...]
This invention relates to eye protectors, and more particularly to eye-protectors designed for fowls, so that they may be protected from other fowls that might attempt to peck them

Improvements? Does that mean there were previous designs for chicken goggles that were deemed unsatisfactory? Sheesh, people had nothing to do before the internet.

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Chinese people throw goats at lions, are evil

Animals torn to pieces by lions in front of baying crowds: the spectator sport China DOESN'T want you to see

The smiling children giggled as they patted the young goat on its head and tickled it behind the ears.
[...]
It could have been a happy scene from a family zoo anywhere in the world but for what happened next.
A man hoisted up the goat and nonchalantly threw it over a wall into a pit full of hungry lions. The poor goat tried to run for its life, but it didn't stand a chance. The lions quickly surrounded it and started tearing at its flesh.

China is fucked up, okay, we get it. Do we really need sensationalist demonization like this?

"It's almost a form of child abuse," says Carol McKenna of the OneVoice animal welfare group. "The cruelty of Chinese zoos is disgusting, but think of the impact on the children watching it. What kind of future is there for China if its children think this kind of cruelty is normal?

"In China, if you love animals you want to kill yourself every day out of despair."

Oh, how about this!

"Zoos like this make me want to boycott everything Chinese," says Emma Milne, star of the BBC's Vets In Practice.

"I'd like to rip out everything in my house that's made in China. I have big problems with their culture.

I have big problems with their culture. Rattle that sabre! Here's a hint, people: there's a little more to "culture" than the things you don't like. Doesn't anyone remember Ota Benga, the African guy they put in the Bronx Zoo's monkey house?

Okay, enough outrage at a stupid tabloid. Check out some of the idiotic comments! (the first is my favorite)

Disqusting and sick; Is this the 21st Century? Never EVER having a Chinese meal again; Awful;

This makes me weep. If I can possibly boycott Chinese products I will do so. What a disgusting "culture".

How horrific it is to think of the suffering of these poor defenseless animals. It makes me wish (making me no better than them unfortunately.....)we could watch some of the handlers or bosses suffer a far more painful and slower demise in place of the creatures that are used for "sport".

This is absolutely barbaric! What type of human being or people in a culture get their kicks off of seeing such brutality on INNOCENT animals? Obviously the answer is the people in China.

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Chicken on a Slide

Happy New Year everybody!

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How to Sex Day Old Chickens

Did you know there is only one way to tell the sex of a day old chicken? You have to examine its cloaca for a degenerate penis.

Over and over he scoops up a chick with his left hand, expels its droppings with a squeeze of his thumb, opens its vent with his fingers, peers through the magnifying lenses attached to his spectacles and determines its sex. Then he deposits the tiny bird in one of two bins. Two thousand vent sexes and a good day's work later, his hands and his shirt front are still immaculate. And if you buy sexed chicks from Lyle's employer, the sort is guaranteed 95% accurate.

Of course, it makes perfect sense that the Japanese came up with it.

Oh look! It's everyone's second favorite Discovery Channel host, Mike Rowe!



I don't know which I find more unsettling - that he calls a chicken vagina a "hidey-hole" or that he squeezes meconium onto the camera.

Want something more scholarly? You're in luck!

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Chicken Police Break Up Rabbit Fight

Those chickens are not messing around. For an animal that's been bred into stupidity over thousands of years, they certainly aren't taking any shit from their fellow barnyard citizens. I love how there's a brief cluck as they're walking away, as if to say "damn right".

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