Pet squirrel monkeys

Mail-Order Friends: The Comic Book Squirrel Monkeys

Back in the 1970s, before there were things like AIDS, the internet and common sense, comic books across this great land advertised pet squirrel monkeys. One intrepid writer, George Khoury, managed to track down an account by someone who ordered one and relates his tale in this awesome but probably too long article.

"I grabbed it by its tail, and it came down on, starting literally up by my shoulder, like a drill press it landed on my arm, and every bite was breaking flesh. It was literally like an unsewing machine. It was literally unsewing my arm coming down, and I was pouring blood. I grabbed it by its neck with both my wrists, threw it back in the cage. It’s screaming like a scalded cat. I’m pouring blood. My friend’s laughing uncontrollably, and my father finally comes in the basement door and goes, ‘Jeffery! What are you doing to that rabbit?’ And I go, ‘It’s not a rabbit, it’s a monkey, and it just bit the hell out of me.’ ‘A monkey? Bring it up here!’ I’m pouring, I wrapped a t-shirt around my arm to stave off the bleeding, carried the cage upstairs, and I don’t know why I bothered sneaking it in, because they fell in love with it, and it was like, there was no problem at all. They took me to the emergency room and I got 28 stitches on my arm."

If only life today weren't quite so sanitized. From boingboing, of course.